Friday, June 27, 2008

Boski on the EURO finals and Employee Morale

We have our finalist...Spain and Germany! And I must say I predicted both semi-final games. Spain and Germany will make for the best final I feel. Spain's quickness and precision passing against Germany's power and strength. I want Spain to win but am still undecided on who I will pick for the fantasy pick'em. I also want to thank the great camera men who have been filming the tourney. They have the ability to spot the hottest girls in the crowd. I mean some of those girls are incredible. Did anyone see the two girls for Germany? They showed them several times. They had white tank tops on with pink letters and numbers for their players. The one that had Klose's name on her shirt was off the charts. I salute you EURO 2008 camera men. This is another reason why the Spain and Germany game will be good is because from what I see they have the best "talent" in the stands.

With business being bad, and other things considering employee morale is really low. Boski has come up with a few ideas to help bring it back up. First thing is we could all use a raise...I mean the cost of living keeps going up and well our paychecks are not. Next up I think there should be a office with no windows and a girl who is in there to keep all the men happy, and to be P.C. we'll get an office with some guy for the girls. I mean if you are feeling stressed go into the room and boom you come out a happy man. I also think there should be more team building exercises. Lets take a trip to motorworld so Boski can beat these fools on the about paintball? Give me a chance to own some nubs in the face. I also think all meals should be provided for you. Nothing too fancy. Perhaps a continental style breakfast found in many hotels for the morning. And some sort of a buffet for lunch, maybe even Mongolian BBQ. I also think after 3pm you should be able to start drinking on the job. Its around that time when a good stiff drink would get you through the rest of the day. I really think I should be put in charge of H.R. Employee morale would be through the roof...everybody would want to work for us.

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Office Talkers

You know what Boski says, Boski says I hate office talkers. Now I like to converse with my co-workers, in fact I feel it is necessary for a good working environment. But I've got two of the worst talkers in the world in my department. From the minute they are in the door, to the minute they leave....blah blah blah, talk talk talk. They just need to shut the fuck up. I don't care about your son's JV basketball game, I don't care about your dinner dilemma, and I don't care about what you did lastnight, or what you are going to do this weekend. If I did I would ask. One of them is younger in age and goes out every night. She comes in either still drunk or hung over and tells the same story to everyone who walks by. By around 3 in the afternoon I've the story 8 times, then she'll forgot she told me and tell it to me again. The other one talks about her kids, her house, her husband, her church. The church stuff is the worst. Now I know my religious views are not typical and I realize that different people have different beliefs, I respect that. But I don't talk about my views, so please don't preach to me. She also thinks her 15 year old son doesn't jerk off....she thinks that sort of behavior is not right. OK lady if hes not doing it, HES NOT RIGHT. She just needs to cut the umbilical, because its still there. The kids is going to fucked by the time he 19. I should start charging counseling fees to all these women.

Monday, June 23, 2008

Swamp Fire

Boski has been having difficulty breathing lately. The area has been struck by brush fires miles away but the warm south wind that seems to persist in the summer time has caused all the smoke and fumes up our way. This is bullshit. Why can't this shit be put out? I understand there are no roads into these swamps. But fuck its bad. I see on the news a few helicopters flying around with the buckets, I mean my kids can do that shit. What we need is something better than this mickey mouse attempts. Lets get some modified 747s or C-5 Galaxys and knock this fire out. I wonder how long the fire would last getting like 25,000+ gallons of water dumped on it. I also wonder what would happen if say someone got hit by that much water, what would that feel like? Could you survive? I think not, but maybe I should submit this to mythbusters.

Thursday, June 19, 2008

How do you respond to that?

Taking a dump at work is the best. At home I normally read a magazine or book on the can. I'm in there for a while as its one of the few times I actually have alone with myself. At work I don't have the luxury of a magazine, I could take the newspaper (like our owner) but I don't people to say something to me about it. Thank goodness for PDA phones. What does Boski do when going #2 at work. Well I can surf the web if I want to, but most of the time I am playing bubble breaker. On standard mode after months of playing I finally busted all the bubbles. You would think they would give you like +1trillion points for that but no! Now I'm into the megashift game mode, where you really are playing for score. Right now I average around 480, I'm trying to break the 500 mark. If I don't want to play bubble breaker there is always the trusted fall back of solitaire. I have discovered a hack to the game. After several plays the computer will start fucking you, you won't get dealt any good hands and you will never is the trick: go into the option menu, chose a new deck design (my fav is the yin and yang sign) and deal great cards. Works like a champ everytime.

So something happened today that was really strange. I had the dubious honor of having to go to the post office and bank today for the company. So I'm driving the company vehicle (which is big gas guzzling truck, which means more money for Term) and notice this big red pick up truck get right on my ass. I'm pissed, then he backs off. OK, maybe he was just making a point, I was not accelerating the fastest. We changes lanes (without signaling) and goes past me, he looks abit crazy. He then proceeds to change lanes back to my lane, right in front of me while we are coming to a stop light. And I mean it was dangerous. Well that didn't sit well with Boski so I let him hear a couple of four letter words I had for him. The light goes green and he delays and then does a little burnout as he takes off, weaving all over the place. Now its serious. Boski gets along side of him and just basically tells him hes a fucking idiot and he is going to kill someone, to this he smugs. At the next red light I get up next to him and say "hey man what the fuck?" He states back, in a drunken slur "sorry man, I just lost my wife." What do you say to that??? Was he bullshitting me, was it real? It stopped me, so I said "man just be cool man." Thats all I could think of. It was just nuts.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

1:45 PM

So this morning my stupidvisor (who is still married, although separated, the other weird thing is she still wears her wedding band????) is e-whoring herself. Shes discovered some guy through myspace and is trying to get in. She spent 30 mins. trying to figure out how to setup yahoo messenger to talk to this guy. She then all of a sudden goes out to lunch (she normally goes for 2 hours anyway) and I think she is going to see this guy. Which is cool with me because I got that in my back pocket to bring back on her if she ever says something about my browsing car or soccer websites. Then there looks to be someone in my department leaving, which at most jobs people would say fine, who are they bringing in to replace that person. Not my job, it just means more slack that I have to pick up. Which truth be told I already carry this person as is so it won't be that much of a problem.

6/18/08 10am

This, being my first blog (which will mainly be about my job, the names will be changed to protect the moronic) should probably be a background story of the job, how long I've been here, what we do, yada yada yada. That would be a book in itself, so to start this blog off and to give you an idea of my mindset of this job I am going to provide a couple of quotes to set the tone:

"My job consists of basically masking my contempt for the assholes in charge, and, at least once a day, retiring to the men's room so I can jerk off while I fantasize about a life that doesn't so closely resemble Hell."

"Well, I gotta tell you: I'd be very, very careful who you talk to about that, because the person who wrote that... is dangerous. And this button-down, Oxford-cloth psycho might just snap, and then stalk from office to office with an Armalite AR-10 carbine gas-powered semi-automatic weapon, pumping round after round into colleagues and co-workers. This might be someone you've known for years. Someone very, very close to you."

I plan on regularly updating this blog so check back each day!