Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Boski's Futsal Drama (and it hasn't even started)

So as one of my chanukah presents the wifey decided to sign me up for Futsal through the JCC. You have no idea how stoked I was when I got this gift as in the past when I bring up playing soccer again she is always very anti. So you can either sign up as an individual (what I did) or as a team. The season was supposed to start on the 24th. I get a voicemail yesterday from the director of all programs saying she wanted to talk to me about some "details". So I give her a ring. At first she says the season has been pushed back a week (no reason why) but I was cool with that as I hopefully can try to get in some better shape. So she says "i'm trying to put you on a team what would you say your competitive level is?" now i'm really assuming she is asking for my skill level. And i say "well last time I touched a ball competitively was about 7 years ago, but during that time I was pretty much playing in some form everyday, I've played select, coached, did men's league, played co-ed, about 10 years ago I played futsal so I've played alot but I'm sure I'm rusty" then she goes "no I mean how competitive are you? would you say you are a competitive person? do you just want to have fun or do you want to win?" i was like
uuuuuuuuhhhhhhhh. I mean wtf do you say to that. I was like "well I want to have fun, but I always think that when you win you have fun, so I want to win" she goes OK I think I have a team for you i'll give the captain a call and see if she is OK with it.

So this is the email I get from this "Captain":

Hi Steve,

Vanessa Salasky at the JCC gave me your email address. I may need one more male player (I’m waiting on an answer from a “maybe”). Could you please let me know a little about yourself?


Level of experience? (Please indicate one of the following - College Varsity, College Club, Grade School Level Select/Travel/Club, High School Varsity, Recreational only)

Preferred position?

Can you play goal? And to what degree of proficiency?

A little about our team – we’re comprised of 20-somethings (and one 32-year old). All of our players are experienced and have at minimum played high school varsity and most either did or could have played at the collegiate level. Everyone is nice and we get along great, however, we’re pretty competitive. We finished 3rd out of 12 teams last season and only lost to the eventual winner and the 2nd place team by 1 point each.

I’m only asking about your skill level because I know my team, and if they don’t feel as though a new player’s skill level is up to par they may get frustrated, sub him/her out without giving the new person ample time on the court, or simply not pass the ball to them because they don’t trust him/her to do something productive with it. I apologize if this comes off as us being a soccer snobs, that certainly isn’t my intent, but I don’t want to put anyone in a bad position. You’re welcome to give me a call if you prefer and I’m happy to answer any questions you may have.

OK what the fuck is this shit? I mean seriously? Its fucking co-ed Futsal. Not the EPL. I call the head girl. She apologized and said you are probably better then most of them, I said well this being my first season back I guess I'd like to play on a more fun team if thats possible and she said yea that was fine. She really made it seem like the thing to do is to have a team as I guess most peeps don't sign up "rouge".

Some of this post was copy and pasted from email exchanges from myslef and Prime, who got a real kick out of the letter.


pex said...

3 out of 12 in co ed futsal with mainly collegiate level players, and the one emailing you is a girl. come on now. theyre probably mostly scrubs. id be in it to win it for sure, but really intense people who arent that good isnt a great combo

Staboski said...

Here was my resonse letter:

Thank you for getting back to me regarding your team and the upcoming
Futsal season. After reading your email I will have to respectfully
decline the offer to join up with your team. While having played soccer
(including Futsal) at many levels for many years I have not kicked a
ball competitively in about 7 years (I'm 28) and would like to get an
opportunity to develop my touch back, which seems as if that might be
difficult on your team. I look forward to playing you this season.
-Steve Poorman

Staboski said...

Here was her response to that letter:

Hi Steve,

I understand if you feel that way. If perhaps you’d like to get an idea of the level of play, we have a game this Friday night ( 8v8 on turf for another coed league) at Bishop Sullivan Catholic High School (Off Princess Anne in VB). It’s on the backside of the campus in the dome at 6pm.

We also host pick up occasionally (usually when the weather cooperates), and that is pretty laid back. I’m going to try and organize something at Brill Fields in Virginia Beach either this Saturday or Sunday (Saturday is a better day for most people, but right now the weather on Sunday looks more promising). I usually send a text message – please let me know if you’d like to come out and send me your cell number if you’d like to get the text. I’m trying to get my brother to come out and he hasn’t touched a ball in about 5 years either.

Again, I’m really sorry for grilling you. New players make me a little nervous. Twice now we’ve picked up people who grossly overstated their competence level and I was simply trying to avoid that again.

To give you an idea, the first one told us he used to play with the Chicago Fire – turns out it wasn’t that he was on the team, or even the practice squad, he was the ball boy. The other told me that he hadn’t played in a while, but was active and could still do a rainbow, that could be true, but on two separate occasions, he fell down during the game when nobody touched him. Since we were on turf, it was a pretty smooth and even surface, he just tripped over his own feet (one of those times it was without the ball).

So... As you can tell, we’re just a little gun-shy.

I think 7 years off is a lot, however, if you played in college or at a very competitive level most of your life, it may come back faster than you think. And 28 isn’t old – I’m the same age. I took off four years before I came back. It took about a month, but you get back into it well enough.

Good luck with whatever you decide and you’re more than welcome to come out to Brill.

Staboski said...

so I forwarded that email to prime, here is what he said which was all too funny:

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA....peeps outside my office are probably wondering what im doing today because i laughed harder at that then the first one. wow, too many funny points in that one to even name...

A) you should ask sal if he knows that chick, he said he knew a girl that was good who also played in the bishop sullivan league...

B) pick-up games?? at brill? whaaaaaaat? isnt that like what the guys who work at the mexican restaurants do?

C) why is she giving so much info, like talking about her brother? who the heck cares

D) the guy that said he played with the chicago fire is leet, owned them bias. that made me laugh the hardest

E) so the guy tripped? i mean was he like cut because he tripped?

F) i mean what is this chicks obsession with bringing up college soccer? "if you played collegiate it will come back to you"....HELLO, this is Sunday Futsal at the JCC.

G) im about to go to brill and play just to try and get in a confrontation

so weak, cant stop laughing....chicago fire..too classic. wonder if that was benham

pex said...

Her responses dont even sound like real life for some reason. A kid said he played for the fire and turned out to be the ball boy? That almost sounds made up, who would say that. And then she talks about a guy who tripped twice . So what, I guess you're supposed to assume that he was overly clumsy. Anyway, sounds like she takes herself too seriously.

Prime said...

shes a "sista"....nuff said

Boski said...

I talked to Sal about her, he said he asked a girl on his current indoor team about her and she said she does know her and "that girl is fucking crazy". Sounds like she is just a headcase. I can't wait to play their team. Boski the enforcer will be in full effect.

nyphon said...

man her second email is so funny. agree with prime- the chicago fire comments made me laugh so hard. i can tell she would annoy the shit out of me playing with her. the first time she tries to tell me what to do i stop passing her the ball.

Pedro Garcia Millan said...


La estafa automotriz mas grande en el territorio Mexicano…

Para MAS informacion pinche:







Prime said...

whats pedro say?

term said...


Staboski said...

can someone translate that?

tengo el gato los pantalonas